Periods of Practice

So, I haven´t written in a long while. My practice has been vary scarce this spring. "Only" about two times a week. Other things have taken up time and interest in life:-) Good things. A steady five six times per week practice demands a lot of you. It´s hard to keep up years on end with all the comes into your life.

Still, I´ve been ok practicing less, enjoying other things I can do with the time. Enjoying having a different "period" in my life. I think it´s a natural phenomena; you need change! Being "stuck" in half primary for so many years, and having pain in my hip after every practice, in a way it´s been liberating practicing less, and practicing in the evenings! I think that has been good for me, because I am now feeling better in my hip. I´m thinking of how to practice when autumn comes. I think I might continue practicing ashtanga twice a week, maybe yinyoga once or twice a week (a lot easier to do at home...) and maybe, maybe going to the gym once a week! Maybe do some spinning or aerobics hehe:-)

Sometimes I miss the dedicated daily practice, especially the calm it gives and having a strong and fit body. But at the same time I am welcoming change. It is after all the only certainty in life! Maybe I will have a new period of dedicated practice later on? In the mean while, I welcome this new period in life, and await what it has in store for me:-)

I am greatful for what I have in life, and I recognise that I am not only creating my own life, I am also receiving it. As the buddhist saying goes; you must empty your cup to be able to fill it. For me, emptying my cup right now is not clinging to ideas of how it should be, how my practice should be, my own idea and others. Trying not to cling, emptying, receiving.

What Is Yoga?

I will soon be conducting a "yoga philosophy discussion class" together with my teacher Lisa. I´m really looking forward to it! We had one class earlier this autumn, and it was great to hear other peoples thoughts on the topics we took up. The topic for the next class will be "What Is Yoga?". With that question you can talk about a lot of the sutras! I made a mind map to try to sort my thoughts out, and to try to see how everything fits together. My plan is to try and do something similar with the Buddhist system. Since they are so closely related, and I am studying both, I would like to make a comparison between the two systems to see the correlations and the discrepancies. Coming up later on!

Remembering Why I Practice

I just got back from India. I spent two weeks there during the Christmas holidays doing yoga and just relaxing. I wanted the trip to be a holiday, and not a "hardcore" yoga trip. I have a tendency to do things in a hardcore way. I´ve been practicing yoga so intensely the last few years that I am now feeling quite full. It has led me to question why I practice. In some periods, the practice has nearly been a goal in itself(although I am concious enough to know better...:-)If you practice everyday, early in the morning, some things have to be sacrificed. Like sleeping in the morning(which I love), having breakfast(I take a coffee and piece of bread at my desk at work), no late nights( like seeing friends over a glas of wine or watching a good movie), restricted diet and so on. Nealy all my holidays the last 4-5 years have been yoga holidays. Sometimes I think: "gosh, why can´t I be normal?"

I met some interesting people in India who had been doing yoga for a long time, and had started questioning if all that dedication had been worth it. That just reinforced my questioning of why I do yoga. I´m thinking that yoga is only a tool to help reach a goal, it´s not the goal itself. And what is the goal? Well, stilling the mind according to the yoga sutras. Why still the mind? To be happier and more free. Yoga should help you achieve a better life, with better health, more happiness, a more balanced mind, emotional equanimity and freedom!

I remember a story one of my teachers told us about a yoga student who was so serious about his practice that guruji told him to go out and have some fun! I like that story. Because if you´re too serious, life is not fun anymore!

So, I begin this year with trying to incorporate ahimsa and santosha in my practice. And aparigraha, not grasping for the results. I want to rest in my practice, not push myselt to it. I want to remember that I practice because it makes me happier and gives me a better life than if I didn´t practice.

Yeah:-)

Energy Levels

Well, I haven´t written anything on my blog for a while. I guess I´ve not been so inspired. Meening to say my practice this autumn hasn´t been so inspiring.

These last two months have been really dark here in Stockholm. And I´ve had a lot of stress at work. My energy right now is really low, I´m feeling really tamasic. I can´t get up in the mornings! So instead of practicing five days a week like I normally do, it´s been rather 3-4 times a week. That makes a huge difference. It´s really painful to practice now. The cold and the lack of a daily practice makes my body more stiff. And the fact that it´s painful to practice doesn´t exactly make me jump out of bed in the morning and race to the shala:-)

I´ve been thinking a lot about energy levels though. I´ve noticed that when I am feeling low in energy, it can be low in different ways. Difficult to explain the difference, but I feel it like there can be a "light low" and a "deep low". When my enegy level is "light low", it helps to do something vigorous. That kind of practice can then leave me feeling invigourated, bouncing out of practice with new found energy. And then there is "deep low". With that kind of low energy a vigorous practice can leave me totally depeleted. I then find it better to do pranayama, meditation or perhaps yin yoga.

I´m very happy to have found this connection between energy levels and practice. It feels like I know how to tune my energy better now. But part of it is also about acceptance. It´s winter, energy is naturally lower. Nature is sleeping. The days will start getting lighter in a weeks time, holidays are coming up and I will have time to rest. And a new year is coming up, and I am hoping for new energy and inspiration!

"Only Half Primary Needed For Samadhi"

Last weekend I was at a workshop with my teachers Bill and Lisa. I asked a question about "only" doing half primary, as opposed to doing several series. Are there any risks with doing so few asanas, and repeting the same day in and day out. What do you miss? Bill, who has been in Mysore a lot, and practiced with Pattabi Jois, answered that if you do any movement in the wrong way, you can injure yourself. But if you repeat the same movements, and do them in the right way, huge benefits will come.

I sometimes wonder if I will ever do second series. I wonder if I will ever be able to bind in Marichy C! I also ask myself why I would want to reach to that place? I have enough to work with in my practice as it is. What is it I want to attain with my practice, and what do I need to reach that place? I guess the answers to these questions change during the path. As my practice is now, I guess I will have to trust Gurujis quote: "Only Half Primary Needed For Samadhi".

Impermanence And The Space of The Heart

"Our other resources come and go. But when we touch that pure presence, the pure ego-less space of the heart, we are unbreakable. With that connection, which is the deepest gift of yoga, we can deal with just about anything." -Sally Kempton

Each week at the Buddhist Center, we get a question to think about to next time. We get to choose the question ourselves, relating to the topic we have been discussing in class. So, last week we were talking about impermanence. Everything is in constant change. Nothing is fixed. Even our Selves. In yoga philosophy, there is an idea that amongst all this change, we have an inner core that is unchangeable. An essence that is pure and stable. In Buddhism on the other hand, there is no core. We are completely subject to change. Nothing is stable.

This is my question of the week. To reflect on my impermanence. My coreless Self. Which theory do I beleive in? It´s nice to think that I have a core, something around which I can revolve. Some stability...On the other hand, if everything is subject to change, what is there to be afraid of? If everything changes, there are endless possibilities. The things I identify with today are not written in stone, therefor I have the possibility to change. And that´s quite liberating! No need to cling, because there is nothing to cling to.

I was meditating on this question the other day. I imagined that I was boundless. That I had no core and no bounderies. At first, I got really scared. I felt the ground being swept away underneath my feet. I was falling. Panic. Tears were trickling down my cheeks. But I stayed with the feeling, and after a while, I realised that since there was no ground, I would not crash. I could just keep on floating in endless space. And when I accepted that, I felt free. I would let myself be carried away by the currents to wherever they were taking me. I let go of trying to control things. I could feel a sence of warmth and security in my heart. There is my true home. Pure presence.

The Sangha

Today after sunday practice, we were a bunch of yogis hanging out having breakfast together. I love these sunday breakfasts. Finally I can talk about yoga and not be the odd one out. I can talk to people who are also dedicated, who also get up early every morning to practice, who also choose to make every vacation a yoga vacation. And who also question what the hell we are doing this for! I often ask myself that question (especially just after the alarm clock rings), but after every practice, I know the answer; because it makes me feel good. Because it makes me balanced. Because it gives my life a direction. Something to strive for. Because it makes me healthy. It makes me happy. And so on.

During my course at the Buddhist Centre(which is about "Who Is Buddha?), we were talking about groups. The Buddha left many groups in order to become enlightened. He left his family, he left his social position and he left a group of followers who no longer thought he was who they wanted him to be. So leaving the groups that hinder you on your way to enlightenment is according to the Buddha important. Although all groups are not bad, phew! The Sangha is important. A sangha is a group of people who are also on the path, who can support you and encourage you on your way to freedom.

Sometimes I feel discouraged when people from different groups I belong to comment on my choices. I guess it´s challenging for some people to meet someone who has some kind of faith, or direction, or meaningful purpose, and be dedicated enough to let it influence a big part of their life. Scary when someone close to you is not following the same road as you are. What if they diverge?!But of course I also let myself be influenced by their comments. I´m not at the point on my spiritual path where I feel that I can or want to "leave the group", which ever group it may be. Not yet.

The sangha is also a group. But as opposed to groups that discourage you, it encourages you. I am immensely happy for the "sunday breakfast sangha". I am also thankful for the sangha att the Buddhist Center. It´s hard to stand on your own. Having support from fellow seekers is invaluable.