Periods of Practice

So, I haven´t written in a long while. My practice has been vary scarce this spring. "Only" about two times a week. Other things have taken up time and interest in life:-) Good things. A steady five six times per week practice demands a lot of you. It´s hard to keep up years on end with all the comes into your life.

Still, I´ve been ok practicing less, enjoying other things I can do with the time. Enjoying having a different "period" in my life. I think it´s a natural phenomena; you need change! Being "stuck" in half primary for so many years, and having pain in my hip after every practice, in a way it´s been liberating practicing less, and practicing in the evenings! I think that has been good for me, because I am now feeling better in my hip. I´m thinking of how to practice when autumn comes. I think I might continue practicing ashtanga twice a week, maybe yinyoga once or twice a week (a lot easier to do at home...) and maybe, maybe going to the gym once a week! Maybe do some spinning or aerobics hehe:-)

Sometimes I miss the dedicated daily practice, especially the calm it gives and having a strong and fit body. But at the same time I am welcoming change. It is after all the only certainty in life! Maybe I will have a new period of dedicated practice later on? In the mean while, I welcome this new period in life, and await what it has in store for me:-)

I am greatful for what I have in life, and I recognise that I am not only creating my own life, I am also receiving it. As the buddhist saying goes; you must empty your cup to be able to fill it. For me, emptying my cup right now is not clinging to ideas of how it should be, how my practice should be, my own idea and others. Trying not to cling, emptying, receiving.

What Is Yoga?

I will soon be conducting a "yoga philosophy discussion class" together with my teacher Lisa. I´m really looking forward to it! We had one class earlier this autumn, and it was great to hear other peoples thoughts on the topics we took up. The topic for the next class will be "What Is Yoga?". With that question you can talk about a lot of the sutras! I made a mind map to try to sort my thoughts out, and to try to see how everything fits together. My plan is to try and do something similar with the Buddhist system. Since they are so closely related, and I am studying both, I would like to make a comparison between the two systems to see the correlations and the discrepancies. Coming up later on!

Remembering Why I Practice

I just got back from India. I spent two weeks there during the Christmas holidays doing yoga and just relaxing. I wanted the trip to be a holiday, and not a "hardcore" yoga trip. I have a tendency to do things in a hardcore way. I´ve been practicing yoga so intensely the last few years that I am now feeling quite full. It has led me to question why I practice. In some periods, the practice has nearly been a goal in itself(although I am concious enough to know better...:-)If you practice everyday, early in the morning, some things have to be sacrificed. Like sleeping in the morning(which I love), having breakfast(I take a coffee and piece of bread at my desk at work), no late nights( like seeing friends over a glas of wine or watching a good movie), restricted diet and so on. Nealy all my holidays the last 4-5 years have been yoga holidays. Sometimes I think: "gosh, why can´t I be normal?"

I met some interesting people in India who had been doing yoga for a long time, and had started questioning if all that dedication had been worth it. That just reinforced my questioning of why I do yoga. I´m thinking that yoga is only a tool to help reach a goal, it´s not the goal itself. And what is the goal? Well, stilling the mind according to the yoga sutras. Why still the mind? To be happier and more free. Yoga should help you achieve a better life, with better health, more happiness, a more balanced mind, emotional equanimity and freedom!

I remember a story one of my teachers told us about a yoga student who was so serious about his practice that guruji told him to go out and have some fun! I like that story. Because if you´re too serious, life is not fun anymore!

So, I begin this year with trying to incorporate ahimsa and santosha in my practice. And aparigraha, not grasping for the results. I want to rest in my practice, not push myselt to it. I want to remember that I practice because it makes me happier and gives me a better life than if I didn´t practice.

Yeah:-)

Energy Levels

Well, I haven´t written anything on my blog for a while. I guess I´ve not been so inspired. Meening to say my practice this autumn hasn´t been so inspiring.

These last two months have been really dark here in Stockholm. And I´ve had a lot of stress at work. My energy right now is really low, I´m feeling really tamasic. I can´t get up in the mornings! So instead of practicing five days a week like I normally do, it´s been rather 3-4 times a week. That makes a huge difference. It´s really painful to practice now. The cold and the lack of a daily practice makes my body more stiff. And the fact that it´s painful to practice doesn´t exactly make me jump out of bed in the morning and race to the shala:-)

I´ve been thinking a lot about energy levels though. I´ve noticed that when I am feeling low in energy, it can be low in different ways. Difficult to explain the difference, but I feel it like there can be a "light low" and a "deep low". When my enegy level is "light low", it helps to do something vigorous. That kind of practice can then leave me feeling invigourated, bouncing out of practice with new found energy. And then there is "deep low". With that kind of low energy a vigorous practice can leave me totally depeleted. I then find it better to do pranayama, meditation or perhaps yin yoga.

I´m very happy to have found this connection between energy levels and practice. It feels like I know how to tune my energy better now. But part of it is also about acceptance. It´s winter, energy is naturally lower. Nature is sleeping. The days will start getting lighter in a weeks time, holidays are coming up and I will have time to rest. And a new year is coming up, and I am hoping for new energy and inspiration!

"Only Half Primary Needed For Samadhi"

Last weekend I was at a workshop with my teachers Bill and Lisa. I asked a question about "only" doing half primary, as opposed to doing several series. Are there any risks with doing so few asanas, and repeting the same day in and day out. What do you miss? Bill, who has been in Mysore a lot, and practiced with Pattabi Jois, answered that if you do any movement in the wrong way, you can injure yourself. But if you repeat the same movements, and do them in the right way, huge benefits will come.

I sometimes wonder if I will ever do second series. I wonder if I will ever be able to bind in Marichy C! I also ask myself why I would want to reach to that place? I have enough to work with in my practice as it is. What is it I want to attain with my practice, and what do I need to reach that place? I guess the answers to these questions change during the path. As my practice is now, I guess I will have to trust Gurujis quote: "Only Half Primary Needed For Samadhi".

Impermanence And The Space of The Heart

"Our other resources come and go. But when we touch that pure presence, the pure ego-less space of the heart, we are unbreakable. With that connection, which is the deepest gift of yoga, we can deal with just about anything." -Sally Kempton

Each week at the Buddhist Center, we get a question to think about to next time. We get to choose the question ourselves, relating to the topic we have been discussing in class. So, last week we were talking about impermanence. Everything is in constant change. Nothing is fixed. Even our Selves. In yoga philosophy, there is an idea that amongst all this change, we have an inner core that is unchangeable. An essence that is pure and stable. In Buddhism on the other hand, there is no core. We are completely subject to change. Nothing is stable.

This is my question of the week. To reflect on my impermanence. My coreless Self. Which theory do I beleive in? It´s nice to think that I have a core, something around which I can revolve. Some stability...On the other hand, if everything is subject to change, what is there to be afraid of? If everything changes, there are endless possibilities. The things I identify with today are not written in stone, therefor I have the possibility to change. And that´s quite liberating! No need to cling, because there is nothing to cling to.

I was meditating on this question the other day. I imagined that I was boundless. That I had no core and no bounderies. At first, I got really scared. I felt the ground being swept away underneath my feet. I was falling. Panic. Tears were trickling down my cheeks. But I stayed with the feeling, and after a while, I realised that since there was no ground, I would not crash. I could just keep on floating in endless space. And when I accepted that, I felt free. I would let myself be carried away by the currents to wherever they were taking me. I let go of trying to control things. I could feel a sence of warmth and security in my heart. There is my true home. Pure presence.

The Sangha

Today after sunday practice, we were a bunch of yogis hanging out having breakfast together. I love these sunday breakfasts. Finally I can talk about yoga and not be the odd one out. I can talk to people who are also dedicated, who also get up early every morning to practice, who also choose to make every vacation a yoga vacation. And who also question what the hell we are doing this for! I often ask myself that question (especially just after the alarm clock rings), but after every practice, I know the answer; because it makes me feel good. Because it makes me balanced. Because it gives my life a direction. Something to strive for. Because it makes me healthy. It makes me happy. And so on.

During my course at the Buddhist Centre(which is about "Who Is Buddha?), we were talking about groups. The Buddha left many groups in order to become enlightened. He left his family, he left his social position and he left a group of followers who no longer thought he was who they wanted him to be. So leaving the groups that hinder you on your way to enlightenment is according to the Buddha important. Although all groups are not bad, phew! The Sangha is important. A sangha is a group of people who are also on the path, who can support you and encourage you on your way to freedom.

Sometimes I feel discouraged when people from different groups I belong to comment on my choices. I guess it´s challenging for some people to meet someone who has some kind of faith, or direction, or meaningful purpose, and be dedicated enough to let it influence a big part of their life. Scary when someone close to you is not following the same road as you are. What if they diverge?!But of course I also let myself be influenced by their comments. I´m not at the point on my spiritual path where I feel that I can or want to "leave the group", which ever group it may be. Not yet.

The sangha is also a group. But as opposed to groups that discourage you, it encourages you. I am immensely happy for the "sunday breakfast sangha". I am also thankful for the sangha att the Buddhist Center. It´s hard to stand on your own. Having support from fellow seekers is invaluable.

Krishnamacharya in 1938 with Yoga Sutras

Understanding Your Practice

I just went to my first Yin Yoga class today. I was recommended by a yoga therapist/ chiropractor to substitute one Ashtanga class(being very yang) a week with one yin class. I´ve been seeking information about what Yin Yoga is, and what I ´ve found sounds really interesting. Mainly I´ve read the information on yinyoga.com, and I´ve also watched som vidoes with Paul Grilley on you tube. In this moment, I am listening to an interview with Sarah Powers, also a yin yoga teacher, and she quoted the Upanishads, and I felt that I wanted to share these words with anyone who is possibly reading my blog. These are really interesting words:

-Understanding without practice, is better than practice without understanding.
-Understanding with practice, is better than understanding without practice.
-Resting in your authentic nature, is better than any understanding or practice.

Another Injury...What´s Happening!?

First, six weeks rehabilitation from broken ribs, then one week of a bad cold missing the workshop with Dena, and now...a sprained knee! Yipee! Yoga bliss was short. Sunday´s and today´s practices were great. I felt strong and flexible and energetic and soo happy to be able to practice fully again. And then, at the end of the practice, while getting into supta virasana, my right knee pops.

I don´t know what happened. I do that pose every day. I was really warmed up. Maybe I got into the pose too quickly. Maybe my knee was a bit misaligned. Maybe there is no use in asking why.

On the way back from work today I was litening to a pod cast with one of my favorite Buddhist teachers, Gil Fonsdale. The talk is called "Working With Difficulties". It was just the right talk for me right now! He suggested that how you look at difficulties can change the way you perceive them. Difficulties, or obstacles, is the path, the dharma. Being open and aware, accepting them and seeing what you can learn from them instead of seeing them as problems, can profoundly change the way you experience them. Then they become openings to growth instead of walls you walk into.

I so do want to have an injury free, pain free, full practice. But, I probably have something more to learn!

Things Are Never Perfect

After 6 weeks with broken ribs, and one week of a bad cold during Dena Kingsburgs workshop, I am, hopefully, back on track. This mornings practice went really well. Well, if I disregard the fact that my right wrist has started hurting when I do up- and down dog and jump throughs. When I told my teacher and said that there always seems to be something in the way of a full, energetic pain free practice, she said: "welcome to the club". I guess that´s the thing. Things will never be perfect. That´s why you have to enjoy and appreciate every moment as it is, because it will never be perfect. And when it does feel perfect, enjoy, because tommorrow it might not be.

Top Performance With Vegan Diet

Well, I guess I was not ment to fullfill Denas workshop. I am home with a bad cold, trying not to be bitter, grr. I was really looking forward to the workshop, and I paid a lot of money for it too! Ok, there it is said, so now I can move on...

Taking the time to surf a bit about one of my favorite topics besides yoga: health and nutrition. One of my concerns this year has been with topping my energy levels. I came across athlete and vegan Brendan Brazier, who has written a few books on the subject, and has some really informative videos on his website.

http://www.brendanbrazier.com/vega/index.html

It didn´t work to embed, so you have to visit the website.

Workshop With Dena Kingsberg

Today was the first day of a week long workshop with Dena Kingsberg at my shala in Stockholm. She has two classes of 2,5 hours every morning, and I am going to the earlier one. I was a bit worried about getting up at 5 am, but this morning it went fine. We´ll see during the week how it feels. I start working tommorrow, so it might get a bit tougher then. Also, today my throat is feeling really soar, so we will see what happens. Bloody unlucky to get sich when somehting like this is happening. But, this whole year seems to be about realizing that nothing ever turns out the way you predict and hope for.

Anyways, it was a great class. She held a led class, focusing on elongating the spine. Before getting into any pose, it is important to first elongate the spine (using the badhas to help), then twist or bend or fold. If not, the vertebraes can be compressed, and that might cause probelms in the long run. The arms and legs are used as a tool to help the body understand to suck in the belly and elongate the spine. Even withou arms and legs she said, we can still do yoga. Everything important is in the torso.

She said one nice thing(well several, but here is one): there is no use in trying to impress people with trying to reach further that you can. The people that are worth impressing are not impressed, and the people not worth impressing don´t understand, and therefore there is no use in impressing them either!

The idea of the practice is to remove obstacles; physical obstacles in the body, obstacles in the nadis that inhibit the flow of prana and mental obstacles that inhibit you to see things as they really are.

New Insights, I Think

Two weeks since the accident, and I´m feeling better. I stopped taking the pain killers after four days. They made me feel really bad.

I went to the shala yesterday, to pick up my yoga mat for the trip, and do some pranayama. It felt great. I got so much energy from the other yogis. Gosh, I´m really missing the practice!

But, to the insight. Several things have happened this year that have made me realize that to be able to be happy and balanced, the only possible way of handeling life is to be flexibel, and go with the flow of things. To not have so many expectations. In whatever happens, there can be something good. During my meditation classes, I had another insight (what an insightful year!), and that was that even though you experience pain, perhaps somewhere in your body, or in your soul, you can always find a pleasant feeling somewhere in your body, or a peaceful space in your mind. The teacher spoke about having focus and width at the same time. First, it sounded almost impossible, but when I tried it, it was an amazing feeling! At the same time that I was focusing on the sensation of the breath under my nose, I could feel my whole body. Hard to explain how it felt, but it was a very expansive feeling. Same with the pain and pleasure thing.

So, even though I won´t be able to do so much ashtanga at Yoga Plus, I´m sure I will have another focus, and perhaps something really good will happen. Maybe I will develop in some area that I hadn´t anticipated (cause I´m trying not to anticipate....:-). I´m bringing two books from the Bihar School of Yoga: "Mula Bandha" and "Yoga And Psycology". I´ll do pranayama and meditation and hopefully I can do some asanas as well. Whatever happens, it´ll be great!

Broken Ribs...

Really bad luck and bad timing. But, accidents happen, and the best thing is to try to accept it and do the best of it. I´ll be going on a yoga holiday soon, and I guess I won´t be able to do much yoga for the next 4 weeks or something. And in the begining of August, Dena Kingsberg is coming to Stockholm, but hopefully I will have healed sufficiently by then to be able to do atleast a modified practice.

So, what has happened? I was invited yesterday by my brother in law to go "Segwaying". It´s a kind of vehicle that goes forward when you lean forward, and stops when you lean back. It looks very peaceful and easy. All was going well until we were supposed do go downhill a quite steep gravel slope. Somehow my segway got a backspinn or something, and the next thing I knew I was falling over it in full speed. I landed right on the wheel with my rib cage. I´m glad I had a helmet, or I would have had a cuncussion as well! My first thought was that I had broken my ribs. Then everyone was saying (denial I guess), that I was probably just bruised. So, we went back , and then we went for dinner. All the time the pain was getting worse and worse. On my way back home, I decided to go to the hospital to check it out.

Well, after four looooong hours at the emergency, I finaly got to see a doctor who said that I most probably have fractured ribs. Healing time 4-8 weeks. Nothing to do but take pain killers. Lots of them! I am taking three kinds, three times a day (poor liver)! He said that it was important to manage the pain. I looked it up on the net, and it says that it´s important to be able to breath in deeply so that the lungs can heal probably. Otherwise there is a greater risk for lung infection. Good thing I know how to do pranayama! The pain is really bad when I inhale deeply, and whenever I move! I also have pain in my neck. Hopefully that will go away soon. Hope it´s not whiplash or anything, but that it´s just pain from the muslces straining in the fall. The pain is said to get worse the coming days, and then it will subside slowly.

I won´t be doing any yoga for the next weeks. Too painful to just move! I don´t know how soon I can start doing asanas again. I do beleive it´s good to not be completly still when injured, but still take it easy. Anyone have any experience of this? I´d be glad for some advice.

A Time To Reflect

The summer holiday is a perfect time to stop, a space inbetween, a time to reflect and think about what has been acomplished during the year, and what you wish to acomplish for the second half of the year. I beleive that you need time away from your everyday activities to to get this room in time and space to see yourself clearer.

Here are some questions that I will be asking myself this summer. The best thing is to write them down. It becomes more powerful then, because you then have to be more specific than if you just answer the questions in your head.

1) What do I already have to be greatful for?
2) What are my hopes and dreams for the rest of the year?
3) Are there any obstacles that are in the way of acheiving these goals?
4) What can I do to remove these obstacles?

I beleive that one of the greatest obstacles for most people is fear. It is a habitual way of thinking that is deaply rooted in our minds. A great way of overcoming fear is to visualize. Take a situation that you wish to acheive, but where there is fear in the way (ex: talking in front of other people, traveling on your own, changing jobs, expressing feelings, leaving a bad relationship, creating new habits etc). Imagine yourself in that situation. First feelings of fear are most likely to pop up. Just let them pop up, but don´t hold on to them. Then when things have calmed down, see yourself in the situation that you wish to acheive. Do this every day, and fear will diminish. The hard part is just doing this everyday, creating this new habit. It´s much easier to just go on in our old habits, like watching TV at night, or facebooking or blogging:-) instead! Or perhaps the fear that things can actually change! It´s much safer to just be where you are...

Buddhist Mindfullness- The Video!

Buddhist Mindfulness

I would like to share with you this brilliant speach on Buddhist mindfullness, held by a teacher from the FWBO, the Buddhist Sangha where I practice.

Mindfullness of the small, everyday things.
Mindfullness of the body.
Mindfullness of the positive, negative or neutral feelings of the body.
Mindfullness of the citta (heart/mind), or the stories that we tell our selves.
Mindfullness of the Dharma, or bringing the practice into action of what we can do in the now, to change the situation.

Click here: Video

The Story Of Starbucks And Samadhi

What connection could there possibly be between Starbucks and Samadhi?

At the chanting workshop I wrote about earlier, Sri Narasimhan told us that he was very fond of coffee. Actually, he admitted that he was addicted. Which was quite nice, since the goal of yoga is to become detached from everything that binds us!

Because of his love for coffee, he had a story about how to explain the different stages between dharana (concentration), dhyana (meditation) and samadhi (enlightenment), using the analogy of finding a good cup of coffee.

Imagine that you are driving around looking for a coffee shop. Well, not just any coffee shop, but Starbucks, because they serve Indian coffee! The only thing you are concentrated on seeing is a Starbucks shop. This is like dharana. The you enter the coffee shop, and you look at the menue. They serve many things there, but you see only the coffee menue. Everything else on the menue is shut out. This is like dhyana. Finally, you get your coffe, you drink it with full attention, and you are fully in the experience of drinking the coffee. This is Samadhi! Yeah, I like that one!

A more common explanation I´ve heard is that of likening it with water. Water dripping is like dharana. Each drop is a point of concentration. You continuously put your attention back on the object of meditation. Then the dropping becomes a flow of water, this is like dhyana. Constant concentration on the object. Samadhi is like the ocean. There is water everywhere, and you are one with the water. You ARE the water, the water is you.

Both are nice analogies, but the Starbuck one is my favorite!

Yogi Materialist

Who said a yogi can´t be a materialist?

It´s funny, there are some things I really think twice about spending money on, and then with other things, my pockets have holes! My God, yoga can really be expensive (mark that I wrote can be, suggesting that it might not be, or wasn´t once upon a time).

So, what have I spent my money on now? According to the hottest ashtanga rumour;-) the cotton mats are on their way out. On it´s way in is the Skidless Mat from Yogitoes. Light, easy to wash and slippery free. Above all, light. I bought the brown one, loam(lera). All my other cotton mats are light in color, like the sky. Like my Vata element. I thought it was time for some more earthy tone, like my Kapha element. Hmm, maybe I can vary my mats according to which dosha needs to be balanced?? When my vata is hight- use the earthy one, when my kapha is high- use the airy one!

It was a bargain, only 705 SEK! I didn´t think twice. I am a true yogi.