Energy Levels

Well, I haven´t written anything on my blog for a while. I guess I´ve not been so inspired. Meening to say my practice this autumn hasn´t been so inspiring.

These last two months have been really dark here in Stockholm. And I´ve had a lot of stress at work. My energy right now is really low, I´m feeling really tamasic. I can´t get up in the mornings! So instead of practicing five days a week like I normally do, it´s been rather 3-4 times a week. That makes a huge difference. It´s really painful to practice now. The cold and the lack of a daily practice makes my body more stiff. And the fact that it´s painful to practice doesn´t exactly make me jump out of bed in the morning and race to the shala:-)

I´ve been thinking a lot about energy levels though. I´ve noticed that when I am feeling low in energy, it can be low in different ways. Difficult to explain the difference, but I feel it like there can be a "light low" and a "deep low". When my enegy level is "light low", it helps to do something vigorous. That kind of practice can then leave me feeling invigourated, bouncing out of practice with new found energy. And then there is "deep low". With that kind of low energy a vigorous practice can leave me totally depeleted. I then find it better to do pranayama, meditation or perhaps yin yoga.

I´m very happy to have found this connection between energy levels and practice. It feels like I know how to tune my energy better now. But part of it is also about acceptance. It´s winter, energy is naturally lower. Nature is sleeping. The days will start getting lighter in a weeks time, holidays are coming up and I will have time to rest. And a new year is coming up, and I am hoping for new energy and inspiration!

"Only Half Primary Needed For Samadhi"

Last weekend I was at a workshop with my teachers Bill and Lisa. I asked a question about "only" doing half primary, as opposed to doing several series. Are there any risks with doing so few asanas, and repeting the same day in and day out. What do you miss? Bill, who has been in Mysore a lot, and practiced with Pattabi Jois, answered that if you do any movement in the wrong way, you can injure yourself. But if you repeat the same movements, and do them in the right way, huge benefits will come.

I sometimes wonder if I will ever do second series. I wonder if I will ever be able to bind in Marichy C! I also ask myself why I would want to reach to that place? I have enough to work with in my practice as it is. What is it I want to attain with my practice, and what do I need to reach that place? I guess the answers to these questions change during the path. As my practice is now, I guess I will have to trust Gurujis quote: "Only Half Primary Needed For Samadhi".

Impermanence And The Space of The Heart

"Our other resources come and go. But when we touch that pure presence, the pure ego-less space of the heart, we are unbreakable. With that connection, which is the deepest gift of yoga, we can deal with just about anything." -Sally Kempton

Each week at the Buddhist Center, we get a question to think about to next time. We get to choose the question ourselves, relating to the topic we have been discussing in class. So, last week we were talking about impermanence. Everything is in constant change. Nothing is fixed. Even our Selves. In yoga philosophy, there is an idea that amongst all this change, we have an inner core that is unchangeable. An essence that is pure and stable. In Buddhism on the other hand, there is no core. We are completely subject to change. Nothing is stable.

This is my question of the week. To reflect on my impermanence. My coreless Self. Which theory do I beleive in? It´s nice to think that I have a core, something around which I can revolve. Some stability...On the other hand, if everything is subject to change, what is there to be afraid of? If everything changes, there are endless possibilities. The things I identify with today are not written in stone, therefor I have the possibility to change. And that´s quite liberating! No need to cling, because there is nothing to cling to.

I was meditating on this question the other day. I imagined that I was boundless. That I had no core and no bounderies. At first, I got really scared. I felt the ground being swept away underneath my feet. I was falling. Panic. Tears were trickling down my cheeks. But I stayed with the feeling, and after a while, I realised that since there was no ground, I would not crash. I could just keep on floating in endless space. And when I accepted that, I felt free. I would let myself be carried away by the currents to wherever they were taking me. I let go of trying to control things. I could feel a sence of warmth and security in my heart. There is my true home. Pure presence.

The Sangha

Today after sunday practice, we were a bunch of yogis hanging out having breakfast together. I love these sunday breakfasts. Finally I can talk about yoga and not be the odd one out. I can talk to people who are also dedicated, who also get up early every morning to practice, who also choose to make every vacation a yoga vacation. And who also question what the hell we are doing this for! I often ask myself that question (especially just after the alarm clock rings), but after every practice, I know the answer; because it makes me feel good. Because it makes me balanced. Because it gives my life a direction. Something to strive for. Because it makes me healthy. It makes me happy. And so on.

During my course at the Buddhist Centre(which is about "Who Is Buddha?), we were talking about groups. The Buddha left many groups in order to become enlightened. He left his family, he left his social position and he left a group of followers who no longer thought he was who they wanted him to be. So leaving the groups that hinder you on your way to enlightenment is according to the Buddha important. Although all groups are not bad, phew! The Sangha is important. A sangha is a group of people who are also on the path, who can support you and encourage you on your way to freedom.

Sometimes I feel discouraged when people from different groups I belong to comment on my choices. I guess it´s challenging for some people to meet someone who has some kind of faith, or direction, or meaningful purpose, and be dedicated enough to let it influence a big part of their life. Scary when someone close to you is not following the same road as you are. What if they diverge?!But of course I also let myself be influenced by their comments. I´m not at the point on my spiritual path where I feel that I can or want to "leave the group", which ever group it may be. Not yet.

The sangha is also a group. But as opposed to groups that discourage you, it encourages you. I am immensely happy for the "sunday breakfast sangha". I am also thankful for the sangha att the Buddhist Center. It´s hard to stand on your own. Having support from fellow seekers is invaluable.

Krishnamacharya in 1938 with Yoga Sutras

Understanding Your Practice

I just went to my first Yin Yoga class today. I was recommended by a yoga therapist/ chiropractor to substitute one Ashtanga class(being very yang) a week with one yin class. I´ve been seeking information about what Yin Yoga is, and what I ´ve found sounds really interesting. Mainly I´ve read the information on yinyoga.com, and I´ve also watched som vidoes with Paul Grilley on you tube. In this moment, I am listening to an interview with Sarah Powers, also a yin yoga teacher, and she quoted the Upanishads, and I felt that I wanted to share these words with anyone who is possibly reading my blog. These are really interesting words:

-Understanding without practice, is better than practice without understanding.
-Understanding with practice, is better than understanding without practice.
-Resting in your authentic nature, is better than any understanding or practice.

Another Injury...What´s Happening!?

First, six weeks rehabilitation from broken ribs, then one week of a bad cold missing the workshop with Dena, and now...a sprained knee! Yipee! Yoga bliss was short. Sunday´s and today´s practices were great. I felt strong and flexible and energetic and soo happy to be able to practice fully again. And then, at the end of the practice, while getting into supta virasana, my right knee pops.

I don´t know what happened. I do that pose every day. I was really warmed up. Maybe I got into the pose too quickly. Maybe my knee was a bit misaligned. Maybe there is no use in asking why.

On the way back from work today I was litening to a pod cast with one of my favorite Buddhist teachers, Gil Fonsdale. The talk is called "Working With Difficulties". It was just the right talk for me right now! He suggested that how you look at difficulties can change the way you perceive them. Difficulties, or obstacles, is the path, the dharma. Being open and aware, accepting them and seeing what you can learn from them instead of seeing them as problems, can profoundly change the way you experience them. Then they become openings to growth instead of walls you walk into.

I so do want to have an injury free, pain free, full practice. But, I probably have something more to learn!

Things Are Never Perfect

After 6 weeks with broken ribs, and one week of a bad cold during Dena Kingsburgs workshop, I am, hopefully, back on track. This mornings practice went really well. Well, if I disregard the fact that my right wrist has started hurting when I do up- and down dog and jump throughs. When I told my teacher and said that there always seems to be something in the way of a full, energetic pain free practice, she said: "welcome to the club". I guess that´s the thing. Things will never be perfect. That´s why you have to enjoy and appreciate every moment as it is, because it will never be perfect. And when it does feel perfect, enjoy, because tommorrow it might not be.

Top Performance With Vegan Diet

Well, I guess I was not ment to fullfill Denas workshop. I am home with a bad cold, trying not to be bitter, grr. I was really looking forward to the workshop, and I paid a lot of money for it too! Ok, there it is said, so now I can move on...

Taking the time to surf a bit about one of my favorite topics besides yoga: health and nutrition. One of my concerns this year has been with topping my energy levels. I came across athlete and vegan Brendan Brazier, who has written a few books on the subject, and has some really informative videos on his website.

http://www.brendanbrazier.com/vega/index.html

It didn´t work to embed, so you have to visit the website.

Workshop With Dena Kingsberg

Today was the first day of a week long workshop with Dena Kingsberg at my shala in Stockholm. She has two classes of 2,5 hours every morning, and I am going to the earlier one. I was a bit worried about getting up at 5 am, but this morning it went fine. We´ll see during the week how it feels. I start working tommorrow, so it might get a bit tougher then. Also, today my throat is feeling really soar, so we will see what happens. Bloody unlucky to get sich when somehting like this is happening. But, this whole year seems to be about realizing that nothing ever turns out the way you predict and hope for.

Anyways, it was a great class. She held a led class, focusing on elongating the spine. Before getting into any pose, it is important to first elongate the spine (using the badhas to help), then twist or bend or fold. If not, the vertebraes can be compressed, and that might cause probelms in the long run. The arms and legs are used as a tool to help the body understand to suck in the belly and elongate the spine. Even withou arms and legs she said, we can still do yoga. Everything important is in the torso.

She said one nice thing(well several, but here is one): there is no use in trying to impress people with trying to reach further that you can. The people that are worth impressing are not impressed, and the people not worth impressing don´t understand, and therefore there is no use in impressing them either!

The idea of the practice is to remove obstacles; physical obstacles in the body, obstacles in the nadis that inhibit the flow of prana and mental obstacles that inhibit you to see things as they really are.

New Insights, I Think

Two weeks since the accident, and I´m feeling better. I stopped taking the pain killers after four days. They made me feel really bad.

I went to the shala yesterday, to pick up my yoga mat for the trip, and do some pranayama. It felt great. I got so much energy from the other yogis. Gosh, I´m really missing the practice!

But, to the insight. Several things have happened this year that have made me realize that to be able to be happy and balanced, the only possible way of handeling life is to be flexibel, and go with the flow of things. To not have so many expectations. In whatever happens, there can be something good. During my meditation classes, I had another insight (what an insightful year!), and that was that even though you experience pain, perhaps somewhere in your body, or in your soul, you can always find a pleasant feeling somewhere in your body, or a peaceful space in your mind. The teacher spoke about having focus and width at the same time. First, it sounded almost impossible, but when I tried it, it was an amazing feeling! At the same time that I was focusing on the sensation of the breath under my nose, I could feel my whole body. Hard to explain how it felt, but it was a very expansive feeling. Same with the pain and pleasure thing.

So, even though I won´t be able to do so much ashtanga at Yoga Plus, I´m sure I will have another focus, and perhaps something really good will happen. Maybe I will develop in some area that I hadn´t anticipated (cause I´m trying not to anticipate....:-). I´m bringing two books from the Bihar School of Yoga: "Mula Bandha" and "Yoga And Psycology". I´ll do pranayama and meditation and hopefully I can do some asanas as well. Whatever happens, it´ll be great!

Broken Ribs...

Really bad luck and bad timing. But, accidents happen, and the best thing is to try to accept it and do the best of it. I´ll be going on a yoga holiday soon, and I guess I won´t be able to do much yoga for the next 4 weeks or something. And in the begining of August, Dena Kingsberg is coming to Stockholm, but hopefully I will have healed sufficiently by then to be able to do atleast a modified practice.

So, what has happened? I was invited yesterday by my brother in law to go "Segwaying". It´s a kind of vehicle that goes forward when you lean forward, and stops when you lean back. It looks very peaceful and easy. All was going well until we were supposed do go downhill a quite steep gravel slope. Somehow my segway got a backspinn or something, and the next thing I knew I was falling over it in full speed. I landed right on the wheel with my rib cage. I´m glad I had a helmet, or I would have had a cuncussion as well! My first thought was that I had broken my ribs. Then everyone was saying (denial I guess), that I was probably just bruised. So, we went back , and then we went for dinner. All the time the pain was getting worse and worse. On my way back home, I decided to go to the hospital to check it out.

Well, after four looooong hours at the emergency, I finaly got to see a doctor who said that I most probably have fractured ribs. Healing time 4-8 weeks. Nothing to do but take pain killers. Lots of them! I am taking three kinds, three times a day (poor liver)! He said that it was important to manage the pain. I looked it up on the net, and it says that it´s important to be able to breath in deeply so that the lungs can heal probably. Otherwise there is a greater risk for lung infection. Good thing I know how to do pranayama! The pain is really bad when I inhale deeply, and whenever I move! I also have pain in my neck. Hopefully that will go away soon. Hope it´s not whiplash or anything, but that it´s just pain from the muslces straining in the fall. The pain is said to get worse the coming days, and then it will subside slowly.

I won´t be doing any yoga for the next weeks. Too painful to just move! I don´t know how soon I can start doing asanas again. I do beleive it´s good to not be completly still when injured, but still take it easy. Anyone have any experience of this? I´d be glad for some advice.

A Time To Reflect

The summer holiday is a perfect time to stop, a space inbetween, a time to reflect and think about what has been acomplished during the year, and what you wish to acomplish for the second half of the year. I beleive that you need time away from your everyday activities to to get this room in time and space to see yourself clearer.

Here are some questions that I will be asking myself this summer. The best thing is to write them down. It becomes more powerful then, because you then have to be more specific than if you just answer the questions in your head.

1) What do I already have to be greatful for?
2) What are my hopes and dreams for the rest of the year?
3) Are there any obstacles that are in the way of acheiving these goals?
4) What can I do to remove these obstacles?

I beleive that one of the greatest obstacles for most people is fear. It is a habitual way of thinking that is deaply rooted in our minds. A great way of overcoming fear is to visualize. Take a situation that you wish to acheive, but where there is fear in the way (ex: talking in front of other people, traveling on your own, changing jobs, expressing feelings, leaving a bad relationship, creating new habits etc). Imagine yourself in that situation. First feelings of fear are most likely to pop up. Just let them pop up, but don´t hold on to them. Then when things have calmed down, see yourself in the situation that you wish to acheive. Do this every day, and fear will diminish. The hard part is just doing this everyday, creating this new habit. It´s much easier to just go on in our old habits, like watching TV at night, or facebooking or blogging:-) instead! Or perhaps the fear that things can actually change! It´s much safer to just be where you are...

Buddhist Mindfullness- The Video!

Buddhist Mindfulness

I would like to share with you this brilliant speach on Buddhist mindfullness, held by a teacher from the FWBO, the Buddhist Sangha where I practice.

Mindfullness of the small, everyday things.
Mindfullness of the body.
Mindfullness of the positive, negative or neutral feelings of the body.
Mindfullness of the citta (heart/mind), or the stories that we tell our selves.
Mindfullness of the Dharma, or bringing the practice into action of what we can do in the now, to change the situation.

Click here: Video

The Story Of Starbucks And Samadhi

What connection could there possibly be between Starbucks and Samadhi?

At the chanting workshop I wrote about earlier, Sri Narasimhan told us that he was very fond of coffee. Actually, he admitted that he was addicted. Which was quite nice, since the goal of yoga is to become detached from everything that binds us!

Because of his love for coffee, he had a story about how to explain the different stages between dharana (concentration), dhyana (meditation) and samadhi (enlightenment), using the analogy of finding a good cup of coffee.

Imagine that you are driving around looking for a coffee shop. Well, not just any coffee shop, but Starbucks, because they serve Indian coffee! The only thing you are concentrated on seeing is a Starbucks shop. This is like dharana. The you enter the coffee shop, and you look at the menue. They serve many things there, but you see only the coffee menue. Everything else on the menue is shut out. This is like dhyana. Finally, you get your coffe, you drink it with full attention, and you are fully in the experience of drinking the coffee. This is Samadhi! Yeah, I like that one!

A more common explanation I´ve heard is that of likening it with water. Water dripping is like dharana. Each drop is a point of concentration. You continuously put your attention back on the object of meditation. Then the dropping becomes a flow of water, this is like dhyana. Constant concentration on the object. Samadhi is like the ocean. There is water everywhere, and you are one with the water. You ARE the water, the water is you.

Both are nice analogies, but the Starbuck one is my favorite!

Yogi Materialist

Who said a yogi can´t be a materialist?

It´s funny, there are some things I really think twice about spending money on, and then with other things, my pockets have holes! My God, yoga can really be expensive (mark that I wrote can be, suggesting that it might not be, or wasn´t once upon a time).

So, what have I spent my money on now? According to the hottest ashtanga rumour;-) the cotton mats are on their way out. On it´s way in is the Skidless Mat from Yogitoes. Light, easy to wash and slippery free. Above all, light. I bought the brown one, loam(lera). All my other cotton mats are light in color, like the sky. Like my Vata element. I thought it was time for some more earthy tone, like my Kapha element. Hmm, maybe I can vary my mats according to which dosha needs to be balanced?? When my vata is hight- use the earthy one, when my kapha is high- use the airy one!

It was a bargain, only 705 SEK! I didn´t think twice. I am a true yogi.

Gururji- Thankyou

गुरु

A guru is a person who is regarded as having great knowledge, wisdom and authority in a certain area, and who uses these abilities to guide others. A guru is one characterized as someone who dispels spiritual ignorance with spiritual illumination, who brings light into darkness.

I have often wondered if I can consider Sri K. Pattbhi Jois as my guru. Doesn´t one need to have a personal relashionship with a teacher to call him or her your guru? After some consideration, I decide to call him guruji, not my guru, but guruji. Meaning he is the guru of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga, the teacher of my teachers. And I am eternally greatful to him for dedicating his life to the practice of yoga, and teaching it to many people from all over the world. He has brought light into the life of thousands of people! That is just incredible.

I am greatful that I had the opportunity to be in his presence, even though I never spoke to him, or had any adjustment from him, he still radiated a certain kind of energy around him that touched me. He was 93 years old, and still had a back straight as a plank. Although he seemed to be slightly senile, he had a presence and a clarity in his eyes. He still seemed curious.

So, thankyou Guruji. You are like a bright, shining star in the dark sky, leading the way for anyone who is willing to see and follow the guidance. Even though your bodily presence is no longer in this world, your spirit will live on in the hearts of thousands of people. Vande gurunam will now take on another meaning for me. I bow to the lotus feet of the guru.

Workshop On The Yoga Sutras

Mudakarattamodakam sada vidmutisadhakam

Kaladharavatamsakam vilasilokaraksakam

Anayakaikanayakam vinasitebhadaityakam

Natasubhasunasakam namami tam vinayakam

This is the first verse of the "Sri Mahaganesapancaratnastotram" that we chanted during the workshop "Chanting And Philosophy" with Dr. M.A. Jayashree and her brother Sri Narasimhan from Mysore, India. The workshop was hosted by Yoga Shala Göteborg. Thankyou Olle & Lisa for hosting the worksop, and thankyou Helen for hosting me!

At first it was really difficult to follow! The words are sooo long! But the Sri Narasimhan said that we Europeans are so used to reading the whole words before we pronounce it. That is an impossible task with sanskrit! So instead, I started reading syllable by syllable, and then it became so much easier to follow. Also, chanting is an oral tradition, srauta parampara, so the best hing would be to not try to read, but listen and follow.

We were taught that the sutras that come from the Vedas are to be chanted in a precise manner. There are three tones; one low, one middle and one high. The high and the low tones are marked by a horisontal line above or below the syllable. That made it easier. These mantras can alternatively be chanted with only one tone. Other mantras or sutras that do not come from the Vedas can be chanted in any way! That was an explnation to something I have been wondering about. The "Vande Gurunam" is chanted in so many different ways in different places, I´ve been wondering which is correct. So now I know; all are correct ways!

Dr Jayashree was teaching us the chanting (listen to her here) and Sri Narasimhan was teaching us the philosophy. Two very skilled scholars. Unfortunately I only remember a fraction of everything he said, but I do remember a few things: There is only one sutra in the Yoga Sutras that speaks about asanas (out of 196 sutras...): stira sukham asanam. Asanas should be comfortable and steady, alert and light. You should be able to stay in an asana for a long time with stability of posture, breath and mind. If mind breaks, breathing breaks, if breathing breaks, posture breaks. If posture breaks, breathing breaks, if breathing breaks, mind breaks! Interesting! He called it having a happy posture!

He talked about pranayama. 20 min of pranayama a day will shrpen the mind! Yeah! Worth trying! Pranayama actually means restraining the breath. Yama= restraint. In kumbaka you hold the breath, i.e.. you stop breathing. When you stop breathing, everything else stops, even the mind. He likend it to dying. A kind of practice to reduce the fear of death.

I am now somewhat brainwashed; I dream in sanskrit (if I´ve listed to the cd before bedtime) and I read all the Swedish signs in sanskit!

Hugaha from metihi to youtaha!

On Discipline

It´s easier to fall out than in....
My goal is to do my practice 5-6 times a week. But how many weeks per year do I really practice that many times? This winter I have had three colds, then I don´t practice. I don´t practice the first three days of ladies holidays. Some days I over sleep. This morning I was thinking of practicing, but then I convinced myself that on the 1st of May it´m my right to sleep in. Yesterday I wanted to be early to work, so I skipped practice. Sunday I will be out of town. So, I practiced Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I think I will go tonight also. So that makes four times this week. I guess it´s not an unusual week. Maybe I don´t practice 5-6 times a week? Maybe it´s just my idea of my practice? Anyways, better to have that guideline and at least practice four times a week than to have a lesser goal and practice even less.

I think the problem is really in my head. I get a bad conciouss when I don´t do my practice, and what good does that do me? I´m thinking that I want to do this practice my whole life, and then I will need to have a softer and kinder approach to myself and the practice. Practice ahimsa:-) To keep up the passion and love of the practice, and not kill it with too many demands and discipline. But on the other hand, you need disciple to keep going. I remember Kimberly Flynn Williams saying that once you start skipping practice, the easier it gets to start skipping it. That´s why you need disciplne. But she also said that the more regular your practice gets, the easier it will be to sustain. Some hope!

Hmm, I think I´ve been writing about this before, which just shows that it is something that is occuping my mind a lot. It´s hard to have a full time job and getting up early in the morning every day to do your practice, and then rushing to get to work on time! Then you come home and after a few hours it´s time to go to bed. I should be asleep by 10pm, but usually I don´t get to sleep until 11pm, which makes it more of a struggle to get up in the morning. It was a lot easier to get up at 3:30 am in Mysore that it is to get up a 6 am here in Stockholm in my everyday life!

It´s a balance between having discipline and being kind to yourself. Have I written this before or what:-)

Is Ashtanga For The Stiff?

Ever since I injured my hip, I have been having thoughts on whether or not Ashtanga is the right yoga form for me. I love Ashtanga, and I do want to beleive that anyone can practice it, perhaps making some variations and modifications.

Last week, I went to see an australian yoga teacher, chiropractor and yoga therapist spending half his time in Stockholm. I wanted him to have a look at my shoulders and hip, and show me what I could do in my practice to help me heal and open up. My right leg is slightly shorter because of a crocked pelvis, my left hip is extremely tight and I sometimes have pain when it pops, and my shoulders are tight and protuding forward, and my left shoulder blade is totally unflexible. Apart from that he said I have good muscle tone and a fairly symmetrical body! Thank you!

So, we talked about what I could do to help my body open up. He said it was very important for me to warm up before the practice! He said he knew many ashtangis who first did one practice to warm up, then did their ashtanga practice. Wow, then you can´t have a normal 9-6 job! Anyways, he gave me a series of asanas to help open up the shoulders and hips. I should do theses as a warm up before my practice. He thought that this would probably help me tremendously. I hope so too! I also hope that the teachers at my shala will think it´s ok for me to do them.

We also talked about the ashtanga practice. He said things I already knew, but sometimes it´s good to be reminded, and to hear them in another context. Patthabi Jois was a young boy when he got his vinyasa practice taught to him. For someone who is not young and not super flexible it might not be the ideal practice. Yeah, yeah, I know. But I have a teacher who starated her practice when she was 40, and now 10-15 years later she is one of the strongest and most flexible people I know! And she sais she was the stiffest person ever when she started! The most important thing in ashtanga is to practice with flow, and not force yourself into the postures. And I should not have any strong adjustments he said. Actually, when I was in Mysore, I hardly had any, and it felt really good. I know that some of the adjustments I have here in Stockholm are too hard. I know I should tell the teacher, but the ego sometimes comes in the way and thinks that maybe this time the adjusment will make me come further....recognize this? He also thought that I could stay for 10-20 breaths in the poses, just to be able to relax more into them. I have to be really concious about using my uddhyana badha to strenghthen and lenghten my lower back. So you see, I really have a lot to work with now! Lucky me I stop in Marichy C!

He recommended me to do some yinyoga like 1-2 times a week instead of my ashtanga. Since the ashtanga practice is very repetative, and you only stay 5 breaths in every posture, you might partly miss areas that really nead strechting, and partly overstretch and irritate areas that really need to relax. This is something I´ve been thinking about alot. I might sustitute one class per week for a hatha class. When you read what Krishnamacharyas son Deshikachar writes about how the yoga should be therapeutic, and be appropirate for your age and condition, thoughts arise whether or not this yoga is for everyone. For me? It´s a journey. I hope the answers will come as I continue the path.

What are your thoughts on this fellow yogi?

Easter Experience

I´ve now been back for a few days, I turned ill immediately on returning (again), so know I am home from work and have time to write. First day of work was so stressfull that I totally forgot that my course at the Buddhist center started that evening! Creepy. A total contrast to the Easter Holiday I just had.

I don´t really know what to write about my experience. I have mixed feelings. It really is an amazing place; the whole world comes there, and they attract world leading artists and teachers. There was an open atmosphere and a sense of freedom and acceptance. I went there for the yoga, and to see what the place was like. There were people there, who just like me and my friend, went there for the yoga. Then there were the people who lived there, or the ones who came there several times a year, year after year.

One of my goals was to try several different kinds of yoga. I´ve only tried Ashtanga, Satyananda and Hatha. So, I started out trying Hatha. I guess a Hatha class can be anything really. It´s up to the teacher. This teacher had no energy, so I was really bored. Also I am so used to getting warm and sweaty in my practice that it felt really painful stretching when the body wasn´t warm. So, next yoga form was Jivamukti. I think it has it´s roots in Ashtanga, but it doesn´t follow a certain sequence. The teacher was great and very knowledgable, so I was in total bliss afterwards! We worked on opening the hips and shoulders, which is where I have all my problems! She let us work with each other in bridge pose, helping the other press the elbows first inwards towards each other, then in towards the back to realease the shoulder blades before going up into the pose. Did you get that?? Anyways, it made it so much easier to come into the pose.

I had a yoga ayurvedic massage there, which was really good. The masseur, Shubhaa, a Brazilian girl now luckily living in Stockholm(!), used her feet to walk on my back. Sounds odd, but it gives another pressure which can get to the deeper lying tensions. She did a whole body massage, which I find is much better that having just your back done. It´s more balancing.

I also tried a Kundalini yoga jam, which I guess was more of a happening than a real yoga class, where the very talented, humble and gorgeous musician Marcus Berg played while we did yoga. It was awesome! But I don´t think Kundalini is my thing really. I like the really physical yoga forms more. I have my buddhist meditation on the side, and that´s a good combination for me.

I spent a lot of time in the beautiful weather sitting on the veranda, having a coffee(thank you for serving coffee), reading a book, and spending some time on my own. There were so many people and so many activities that I needed to have some time on my own. I´m not the kind of person who can be social all the time. So I skipped the sharing part, which is apparently one of Ängsbackas signums. That was one of the things I had some trouble with. But, everything was of free will, so it was fine. There was also a lot of long huggs and long looks and a lack of boundaries that I found disturbing, but then again, I didn´t participate in that, so it was ok. I guess that those things are a part of what the spirit of the place is, what makes it what it is, why people choose to go there year after year. So now I´ve experienced the place. I might go back, I might not. For the moment I´m just happy with having had a nice Easter.

Keeping Up the Inspiration

Apart from having my new raw food project, which I am very exited about, I have some other things going on to inspire my health/spiritual path.

On wednesday I am going to a chiropractor who is also a yogi. He used to practice ashtanga, but now I think he has developed his own style. Anyways, I am hoping he can help me with my hip problem and my tight shoulders. I wish to get tips on how to modify my practice so that my body can heal through yoga. The other chiropractor I went to a year ago gave me a training program that I did on top of my yoga practice. It was too much. First doing the yoga in the morning, then another program in the evening! We´ll see how it goes. Perhaps he can also help me understand why I got the hip problem in the first place.

In two weeks I am starting another course at "Stockholms Buddhistcenter". The theme for the course is "Living With Kindness". On cultivating metta in your daily life. I´m really looking forward to it!

Coming up for Easter is a four day yoga and dance festival at Ängsbacka! I´m gonna dance and laugh, have sauna and walk in the woods and try different forms of yoga and really enjoy myslef!!! Eat ayurvedic and raw food and meet lot´s of new people....

This weekend I went to another lecture with Janesh Vaidya. He made a very beautiful analogy between happiness and butterflies. If you try to chase them, they will fly away. Instead, cultivate your garden, plant positive seeds, water them with love, create the perfect environment and the butterflies will thrive in your garden. That´s what I am trying to do!

Raw Experience

About two weeks ago I was searching the internet for articles on food and yoga. What would be the best food to eat for a yogi? I know what guruji recommends: sattvic foods (see article for more info: http://www.yogachicago.com/jan05/diet.shtml). Food that is light, easy to digest and full of prana. Sugar, wheat and dairy are recommended, and I don´t agree with thoose foods. In Mysore, people weren´t eating dinner, and Sharath recommended to have a glass of warm milk with ghee in the evening.

Anyways, when searching the net I came across raw food, or living food as it is also called. Since I have a Vata/ Kapha constitution, I thought it might be good for my kapha. I´ve been listening to the raw food "guru" David Wolfe. He has a degree in nutrition, so he really seems to know what he is talking about. I have to say that I am very fascinated with what raw food seems to be able to do for you. It it said to purify the body, give more nutrition and prana, it is enzyme rich so the body doesn´t have to waste it´s own enzymes, it gives strength, vitality, glowing skin and sparkling eyes, cures diseases, stabalizes the weight and so on....

So, ofcourse I have to give it a shot! I´m not going 100% raw, but I´m going to try to incorporate a lot more raw food and superfoods than I usually eat. The last two weeks I´ve been doing just that, I´ve also been drinking 2 litres of water a day. I have to say, my skin has improved tremendously, and my practice feels easier. I don´t feel as stiff as I´ve been feeling lately! I have more energy and I feel quite happy and light!

I will continue with this and write to tell you how it goes. I´m also planning to do a detoxification. I´m quite exited to see the results. I will keep you posted!

Yoga Radio

If you want to get into the yoga groove when sitting infront of your computer, at work, at home, in your mp3 player on the bus...here's a tip- yoga radio!

The Small Victories

The practice has been really tough for me the last month. Lot's of resistance in my body (and mind...), and I've been really stiff. Yesterday was the first day in like a month that I actually felt light and had a good practice. Well, good in the sence of feeling like "wow", the pain and heaviness is gone!

Today, I had another small victory. Most of the blocks were taken. I ususally use four blocks to do my urdhva danurasana, needing the hight of two blocks to hold my hands on. I've tried before to to use only the hight of one block, but then I haven't been able to push myself up into the bridge. Lately the teachers have been giving people extra supported poses to help them open up in certain parts, so the blocks these days are always in use by someone else. Since there hasn't been any blocks free, I've been doing only half bridge pose lately. This is not helping me forward. So, today I thought that I have to try to get up without the blocks, starting with using the block on the high end. It worked! I then tried putting the flat side down, thinking it was going to be too low, but it worked too! This is a major step for me! A small, but big victory! Soon I'll be doing bridge pose without any props!

Today I feel content.

Ten Most Important Sutras

I found an interesting and easy to understand article by Judith Lasater on the ten most important sutras.
And some wise words by Donna Farhi

Bramacharya

Moderation

To not indulge in sensory pleasure. Often interpreted as chastity, in its wider sense it´s more about moderation in all aspects of life. Too much of something is not good, but too little is not good either.

Take food for example. If you eat too much you will become obese, and with that all sorts of diseases may come. Eating too little can result in anorexia and malnutrition. And it also afects your mind. Becoming obsessed with something will definately take a lot of energy, and probably take you away from the things that really matter. It makes it harder to enjoy life, even though in the moment of indulgence, it might seem like that is exaclty what you are doing. Eating one peice of candy can be a way of enjoying life, but eating ten peices can make you sick. Never allowing yourself to have candy can be a way of not alowing yourself to enjoy life. It takes discipline to say no, and courage to say yes, and self reflection and mindfullness to realize where you need to practice moderation. When practicing moderation, you are also practicing ahimsa.

Moderation also applies to your yoga practice. I know, I'm a person who easily gives 110% to the things I enjoy doing, like yoga, and even though it is something good, it can become too much. I "burn" myself out. I get a back lash and then usually the pendulum goes in the other direction, and I need some time when I hardly do anything at all, just to recuperate. Then slowly, slowly the pendulum comes closer and closer to the middle, and I realize that it is easier and more wise to take the middle way. It takes less energy but gives more. But perhaps it is a process that is needed to go through. To go to the extremes before you can find moderation.
I´m sure you can find your own areas where you are indulging.

Moderation is the key to balance, and balace is necessary for finding happiness and health.

Asteya

Non-stealing - Non-greediness - Non-coveting

The previous yama was truth, or honesty, and you can see how it it related to the next yama, non-stealing. If you have not cultivated honesty, perhaps it is easier to take from others what is not yours to have. Thus cultivating your truth and honesty will make it easier to perform this yama.

Not taking material things that are not yours is perhaps quite easy for most (honest)people. But this yama goes much further than that. Not only is it about not taking things from others, but also about not coveting. Coveting is a way of not being satisfied with what you have, and with what you don´t have. So this yama is related to santosha, contentment.

You can steal from others things that are intangible as well. Like someones time. Next time you are late to an appointment, think about the lack of respect this means for the other person. Taking someones energy. If you only talk about yourself and your problems with someone for example, never asking them about anything, you are actually stealing the other persons energy. Have you ever felt drained after meeting certain people? Then this person has probably taken your energy. Give people your full attention and respect, and this will not happen. Then you are giving, not taking.

Sometimes you can loose energy by coveting things that other people have. Like someones looks, job, relationships, house, money, fame or what have you. Take time to really think about what it is that you really want. Is it really those things, or does the feeling come from something deeper. A lack of self love maybe? Discontentment in general maybe? Instead, take that energy and direct it inward to cultivate the things that you already have. If you covet someones love relationship, realise that you already are full of love, and that you have the ability to express it, even though you don´t have a significant other. Express it to yourself, to your friends and family. To a stranger even! If you covet someones sucess, it probably has to to with the fact that this person is expressing what he loves and is good at. So can you. So instead of wasting energy on coveting, put that energy into expressing yourself.

On the mat; are you taking up someone elses space? Are you disturbing someones focus by sounding to much, or bumping into them?
In a conversation; are you talking so much that you don´t let other people say anything?
At work; are you taking credit for ideas that someone else has created?
At home: are you constanly buying new things, wanting a bigger flat, a new car, a better stereo and so on?

More wants more. Learn to distinguish between what is a healthy wish for something that is important for you, something that comes from the heart, and between desperately wanting things that are not sprung from within, but are perhaps a way of filling a gap for something else.

Satya- Truth

Week two, and time for the next yama- truth. Grounded in ahimsa, satya is truthfulness and honesty, in thought, speech and action. As always, the intention is important.

• Honesty towards yourself: am I living my life according to my inner truth? Am I expressing myself as I am, or am I expressing someone elses expectations, or perhaps something I wish to be rather than what I am? Am I not facing the truth because I am afraid of it? I've noticed that with some people I feel that I can be more myself, i.e. express my truth than with others. It's as if though I am afraid that I will not be accepted if I show who I really am. Do you recognise this? I wish I could always be honest with who I am. I guess this also has to do with ahimsa, loving yourself for who you are.


• Honesty towards others: is speaking the truth always the right thing to do? According to the sutras you must look at the intention behind speaking the truth, and also see if the truth might hurt someone. I think that one is tricky. Maybe by pointing out the truth to someone, they first feal hurt, but sometimes making someone aware of the truth can actually be helpful in the long run. I have had friends telling me in a quite harsh way to open up my eyes to the truth. At first I was very hurt, but after a while I have was greatful for their honesty, because it helped me get past certain obstacles. But then, their intention was good.

Balance and Bliss

Well, here I am again, staying home from work with a cold. Nastier this time than last. I guess I'm not in balance.

Again, going through my notes from Dr. Kumar's course, he gave us the ayurvedic definition of health:
"Health consists of balancing the functions of energy, the digestive fire, the tissues and the excretions. Having bliss in the soul, the sense organs and the mind."

Digestive fire, excretions and sense organs are fine. I guess since I have a cold the tissues are out of balance. I don't have sufficient auyurvedic knowledge to know how to balance the right tissue and with what. But I am trying to boost my immune sytem. How? With spirulina, echinecea, garlic, probiotics, broccoli soup and green tea. I might be a little low on the proteins. I'll do my usual smoothie with banana, maca powder, hemp powder(loads of protein), oat milk and flaxseed oil. Tastes really good.

Energy, well, a bit low. I've been a bit over active lately. I think I did too much too soon after the last cold. How to balance? Gentle(!) yoga and rest I guess. Sleep. Taking walks in the sun and fresh air.

Mind? A bit uneasy at the moment. Meditation.

Soul. Maybe one of the most important things to balance, but also the most difficult. How do you balance your soul? I don't know. I'm just guessing. Listening to your heart and expressing what it wants to say? Being with people who accept and love you for who you are? Love and respect your self. Having fun, laughing! Having a vision, something that gives you direction. A will to go on despite the ups and downs. Hope.

Sometimes bliss seems like a word I don't really understand. Have I ever been blissful? Is it possible to acheive in a wordly, profane life? Maybe it's one of those things that just happen. Like happiness, when you look for it, it just seems to get further and further away. Like running after a ball. You just kick it in front of you all the time. But when you stop running, the ball might just come rolling back to you. Is it the same with love?

Ahimsa- sowing positive seeds and watering with love

Yoga is, according to Sri K Pattabi Jois, 99 % practice and 1 % theory. This does not mean, as I unreflected thought in the beginning, 99 % physical practice and only 1 % philosophy...
It means that if you really want to learn something, if you really want to change and evolve on the yogic path, you have to practice what is taught. In other words- learning by doing.

So, this means that if you want to understand the yogic philosophy, you have to incorporate it in your life. A few years ago, when I was taking an intensive yoga course with my teacher Lisa Lalér, she gave us a home assignment every week to think about one of the yamas and niyamas in our daily life. This really helped in understanding what they meant, and it also helped in seeing the patterns in thought, speech and action that I had. In a way, a sort of self therapy. Since I am taking a course in Buddhism at the moment, and Buddhist philosophy seems so clearly similar to the yoga sutras, I thought this would be a good opportunity to conciously start practicing the yamas and niyamas again. One by one, week by week. Want to join me?

This weeks focus will then be AHIMSA.
Ahimsa: non- violence, non- harming, which really means having a loving attitude, towards others, and very importantly towards youself! In thought, action and speech. This yama is the base of all the other yamas and niyamas.

In the asana practice it's very easy to see your thoughts. Maybe you push yourself very hard so that you eventually harm yourself. Maybe you think badly of the person on the mat next to you because they can do something you can't, maybe you think you are worthless because you just never seem to be able to come into a certain asana. The teacher never sees me. I'm too fat. I'm too slow. I'm too restless. I'm not ambitious enough. I can never say no when I need to. And so on. At work or in your relationships, can you recognise these thoughts even there? In action and speech- Do you impose your views on others? Do you take other peoples time and space? Do you express anger on inoocent people? Do you manipulate people to get what you want? These questions also give rise to the principles of asteya (non-stealing) and satya (truth) that are the following yamas.

The antidote to these negative, harmful thoughts is to replace them with positive, loving thoughts. Don't let the harmful thoughts take root. Thouhts are seeds to your emotions. Sounds easy, right! But I know, it's hard, because your thought patterns are so deeply rooted! Especially harmful thoughts towards yourself. And it's a constant practice. It's not enough to do it just for a short period and then hope that the effect will last forever. And to begin with it might be necessary to sort of trick your mind. It might feel like you are not being sincere when replcing a bad thought with what might feel as a constructed good thought. But remember(you too Tina!), that you are not your thoughts. Just because you had a negative thought does not mean that it came from who you are at the moment, and it might not be a correct response to the actual situation. It is very likely that the thought came from your old thought patterns, the samskaras, the "autobahn" in your mind.

Thoughts preceed speech and action, so working with changing your harmful thoughts seems to me to be the first and formost important thing. And it needs to be done with a loving, non-judgemental attitude!

Next weeks subject on my course is metta-bhavana(loving-kindness) meditation. That's cultivating ahimsa!

Water your thoughts with love!

I just finished listening to "The Yoga Matrix" with Richard Freeman. I think I will go back and listen to it one more time. I didn't get everything the first time, and also I wasn't concentrated the whole time, so at least one more listening is left!

I was a bit sad that I had finished listening to it, so I went to Richards website and found that you can download talks that he has given the past years! They're possible to copy to your iPod:-) So, maybe another few weeks on the bus are saved!

Practicing Awareness

Two weeks ago I started a course in meditation and Buddhism at "Stockholms Buddhistcenter". I guess I've been meditating on and off for maybe ten years, but it's hard to get a regular practice. I took this same course five years ago, and found it really good. When in Mysore, I meditateted every evening before going to bed. I felt that I wanted to continue the practice when I came home. Also I have this longing for learning more philosophy. Listening to Richard Freeman talking about the Yoga Sutras, he said that Patanjali was influenced by Buddhism, and that there are a lot of similarities between the two. Having read and practiced a lot of yogic philosophy, I thought maybe that I would understand the course in a new way this time.

This weeks home assignment is to be aware. Actually, to be aware of how you can be more aware in daily life. The sitting meditation is a practice to become more aware. But the goal is to become more aware all the time. In daily life. When walking to the bus, when doing the dishes, when you are bored or stressed at work, when your expectations don't come true, when your sick, when you're miserable or when you're just neutral.

There is this saying that awareness is like a light. The light of awareness can dissolve pain. If you sit with pain and let the pain be present, without clinging to it or judging it, it can dissolve, or at least diminish. It's quite powerful actually. I think the not clinging part is difficult.

But I was going to talk about the home assignment, not about pain...when I was out walking this weekend, the weather first felt like shit. It was grey and foggy. It felt as grey and horrible as it could ever get. But then I thought about becoming more aware. I started seeing how the trees and buildings dissapeared into the fog, and it was extremely poetic and beautiful. I felt the the drops of water falling from the branches onto my cheeks, I heard the birds chipping in the bushes, I felt the contact between my feet and the soil, the sound of pebbles being crushed underneath my feet, the smell of the water and the wet earth. It became one of the most precious moments of the week. Using all the senses, sharpening them and being totally present in the moment can be very liberating. No thoughts have any room left to dwell in.

Home With a Cold

Many yogis who have a steady and regular practice talk about how rarely they get sick. I just never seem to get there. Maybe it also has to do with what constitution you are? I am mainly vata, and vatas have the poorest immune systems of the three doshas. I've also noticed that when I get sick, I almost always have my period. I remember reading somewhere that the immune system gets weaker during the menstruation. I can meet a person with a cold, a week passes and I think yeah! I didn't catcht it! Then comes my period and bang! I'm sick. Anyone recognize this, or is it only me?

I've been going through my notes from the Ayurveda course I took in Mysore. If you start treating the first symptoms right away, if your lucky(and don't get your period...), you might be able to stop it. Here are some tips Dr. Kumar gave us:

For a sore throat
Gargle with salt water.
For itching throat (kapha symtom): chew on 1 clove, 1 peice of black pepper and 1 peice of salt.
For pain (vata) or burning (pitta) in the throat: chew on a peice of liquorice.
Drink ginger tea 3 times per day. Take a thumb sized peice of fresh ginger, crush it and boil in 2 glasses of water. Boil until it has reduced to half. Add 2 pinches of turmeric powder and add jaggery or honey to taste(when it has cooled down). 1/3 in the morning, 1/3 in the afternoon and 1/3 in the evening. Max one glass of ginger a day.

I really miss my yoga practice during these times, but I will do this soft, immune enhancing program that my teacher has designed. It's done with a bolster, which you can make out of rolled up blankets and yogamats.

Immune Enhacing Program

• Baddha Konasana 10 minutes leaning back on a bolster(placed at the sacrum).
• Balasana (childs pose) 10 minutes leaning forward on the bolster.
• Supta Virasana 5 minutes leaning back on the bolster.
• Balasana 5 minutes without a bolster.
• Paschimottanasana with a bolster, 25 breaths.
• Upavishta Konasana with a bolster, 25 breaths.
• Viparita Karani (legs upp the wall pose) for 25 breaths.
• Baddha Padmasana & Yoga Mudra 25 breaths.
• Finish with Padmasana and Savasana.
• Everything done with Ujayi breathing if possible, exept if you have a sore throat or fever.
  

Well, being home with a cold gives time to write and study! So instead of being bored, I'm trying to see it as an opportunity to do things I otherwise don't have time for. Attitude is everything, right?

Intensive Course

Last weekend I took a three day intensive ashtanga yoga course with my teacher. The subject was to go deeper inte your own practice and also to talk about teaching. Maybe half the people on the course were already teachers, and the rest were either thinking about teaching one day, or just there to deepen the practice.

Most people were from other parts of Sweden, people who don´t have Maria as there regular teacher. I realized how lucky I am to have such a good teacher (and of course the other very qualified teachers at the shala) so closeby and available every day. A few weeks before this course I was on another course with Maria in Ljusdal, where there also were many teachers from other places in Sweden. What struck me was how many of these teachers were teaching after having practiced only for a few yeras (one girl had practiced only for 6 monthes!), and not having a 5-6 times/ week practice. I guess this is something that can happen in small towns, where there is no competition, and people ask you if you can start teaching because they become inspired by you.

Anyways, Maria talked a alot about what a big responsibility it is to teach. You don´t go to a physician or chiropractor who has only studied for two years. As a teacher you are actually manipulating not only peoples physical bodies, but also there subtle bodies, i.e. on an emotional plane. The one most important thing to remember as a teacher is to always be present she said. Even if your life outside the shala is in turmoil, once you step into the yoga room it is your responsibility to be totally present and there for the students. There is a difference between being an instructor and being a teacher. A teacher has to take responsibility and guide the student. To be able to see if a student needs to back off or be challenged.

The last day we were suposed to talk about how to integrate the yamas and niyamas in the practice. Unfortunately there was not so much time for this. I took a course for a couple of years with my other teacher Lisa, and I think I learnt a lot from her how to incorporate these into my practice, not only on the mat, but also in the everyday life. Perhaps this is another post. At the moment I am listening to Richard Freemans "The Yoga Matrix", and I can really recommend it if you are interested in going deeper into the yoga philosophy.

To teach or not to teach, now there's a question!
Am I ready? Will I be able to keep up the practice? Will I loose interest if I make it into a proffesion (although not full time)? Or will it make me go even deeper into the practice and will it give me joy to help other people? Will I have to change my present life completely, or will it become even better?
? ? ?
Time will tell. I surrender and leave the question in the hands of the universe.

Morning Practice and Rushing to Work

Yesterday I was told off at work by my boss that I have to be at work 9 o´clock sharp. Since I practice every morning before work, I sometimes come in around 10 past nine. He said that I set a bad example for the others, that I take too much freedom.

On the one hand I can understand his point of view. There are a set of rules to be followed, so that there is a form of discipline, to avoid total chaos. The rules are the same for everyone. I am not the only one that has been told off.

But on the other hand I feel like a prisoner. If my life becomes better by being able to practice in the mornings, I become more focused at work, my health is improved, and having the freedom to be able to be a little late in the mornings to avoid stressing to work, isn´t it worth it? Even for the company I work for?

When I was in India this fall, I could have, as a westerner, gotten irritated on the Indian way of seeing time. Nine o´clock could meen half past nine (not in the shala though...). But I thought it was liberating. If the whole society works that way, then it can work (especially when on holiday!). When I think about it, on the bigger issues of life, my god, what is the difference of coming nine or ten past nine to work? As long as I do my job well?

We have so many rules in Sweden, rules that are often so restricting. Keeps us in place. Hinders us from thinking freely. Also we have this A-type society. The society is made for the early birds. It is considered "better" to come early to work than staying there later in the evenings (although if you do both you are gold, but in the end you get nothing for it except for bad health). When I come to think of it, I think there is this kind of view in the yoga society as well. The earlier you practice, the more "yogic" you are. This is of course not true. I beleive in that you have to try to fit in your practice so that it fits your life.

So, I have to try to get up earlier in the mornings to do my practice, to please my boss;-) I am actually a B-type person, I am tired in the mornings. But I want to do my practice in the morning, because I can see the benefits in it. Discipline, discipline. From discipline comes freedom, right?

Be a good yogi and a good employee!

When Doing The Dishes, Do The Dishes

Sometimes when things around you change, it can feel like there is an unbearable storm going on inside you. Whether the change is positive or negative, it can disrupt your inner calm. When change occurs, it is common to think a lot about what will come. Will this change disrupt my routines? Will I loose something? Will I loose myself? My dreams? My security?
All these thoughts are related to the future. To cope with change, I beleive it is important to try to be present in what is(It always comes back to this, doesn't it?). Come what may come, but now is always ok. Fear is in the future. Acceptance and peace of mind is in the now.

Sounds so simple doesn't it? But oh so difficult!

As Thich Nhat Hahn says: "When doing the dishes, do the dishes."

Pure Energy, Pure Mass

You know how sometimes your body feels like it is made of pure energy. You just fly through the postures. And other days it feels like a heavy mass, dense, like lead, or concrete.

This morning my body felt really heavy. I was wondering if I should practice at all! To start with it felt really horrible. The sun salutations were pure pain. I had no energy. But I told myself to think that the practice today is for increasing the energy in my body. So, I took it easy and concentrated on my breath, and spreading the prana in my body. Actually, what started out as a painful practice ended in feeling really great!

What can I learn from this? Well, for one thing, intention is important. The other thing is that even when you feel horrible, it is worth getting on the mat and doing your practice. The practice can change the way you feel.

Simplify

Ashtanga yoga is a lot about purifying. Purifying your body. Purifying your mind. This leads to health and happiness. When purifying the mind, it leads to a quieter mind, a free mind.

As you all know, the economy is going down. This means many people will have less money to spend. Some people will loose their jobs, and others will be cautious with their economy in case they loose their job. In any case, we have to think twice about how we spend our money. Although it might be bad for our economical system that we spend less, I think it is a good thing on many other levels.

So, is it possible to have a good life, and spend less money? I think so. It's possible if you simplify your life. And simplifying is a form of purification. The less you have to keep your mind busy, the quieter it will become. I have already simplified my life a lot the past few years, and I'm feeling great. I'm doing fewer things, but the things I am doing I do with more awareness and presence. So, I feel that my life now is richer than it was before. There seems to be a hype in our society to be busy. Busy=intersting. According to my own experiences, busy= unawareness. When you are always busy, there is no time to really BE in the present moment.

Last year I was saving money to be able to go to Mysore. It made me aware of all the little unnecessary things I spent money on. Things I bought without thinking twice. It's not about not consuming, but about making better and more concious choices. Maybe you want a new, bigger flat tv. Everyone at work is talking about their new flatscreens, and you want to have that too! Your tv is perfectly fine, but it would be nice with a bigger tv with sharper images. But you also want that new computer, and a new camera since you are going to travel soon. Suddenly you realize that you have to put in a few more hours every week a work to be able to save up the money. Since you work more, you're feeling stressed and you start sleeping less. You worry that you won't make it. You have a lot of thoughts spinning in your mind. By simplifying your life you make a choice to keep things simple. That could meen that you're ok with your old tv, it's more important to be able to sleep and work less to have more spare time, perhaps just to do nothing! Time to be present in life.

Samskaras

I'm reading this fantastic book called "Light On Life" by BKS Iyengar. I have read lot´s of books on yoga, and I have to say that this is one of the most comprehensive and interesting books I´ve read on the subject.

Right now I am reading a chapter on samakaras. Iyengar gives the example of the conciousness being like a lake. If you are for example dissapointed by something, this creates a ripple on the surface. Since the ripple is on the surface, you can handle it. But if you are repeatedly dissapointed, the ripples create waves that go down to the bottom of the lake, and create little sand banks, or mounds. These mounds will in turn send out new waves of dissapointment to the top of the lake. It becomes a conditioned reflex. Whenever you are triggered by a certain situation, the mound automatically sends off little waves of dissapointment, or whatever kind of samskaras you have. The respons is not a direct and adequate reaction to a situation. You have not seen the situation as it really is, but you respond with a conditioned pattern, coming from the bottom of the lake, and not from the surface.

Yoga is about reducing these mounds, and setting us free from these negative habits, or waves in our conciousness. These have been built up over time, and take time to reduce. So, how to reduce them? Well, through yoga you become more aware of your thought patterns, and so you are able to observe your negative thinking patterns. When you have become aware of them, you can start replacing them with positive thoughts. When these positive thoughts are repeated, they in turn create positive mounds, and since the negative mounds don´t get any feed back, they start to diminish. Eventually, the goal is to have no mounds at all. To be able to respond unconditioned to a situation. Total freedom.

This is hard work, especially if you have a lot of negative samskaras! But it is another good reason for getting up early in the morning to do your yoga (hmm, this morning I was trying to find a reason why not to get out of bed...when I suddenly remembered my samskaras! I jumped out of bed:-)